I just pynch a tree in the face
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
