Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
