see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
