You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
