K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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