I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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