You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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