I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
