I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
