I haven't been this sober since birth.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
