you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
