Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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