I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
