i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
