I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
