and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He shit in the fireplace
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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