Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
