a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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