I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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