My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
