You can't special order awesome
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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