I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
