sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
