dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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