bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
