I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
jump out the window naked night went bad
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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