Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
