My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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