also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
