Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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