with your own penis?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
