Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
