I look better un-naked...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
