i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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