Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
