Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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