I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
