So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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