when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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