i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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