we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
