Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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