i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
