sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
