She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
