There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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