i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dick very happy bro
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize