I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
