SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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