i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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