My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
