Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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