How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
