Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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