well I can't set my house on fire every night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
