Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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