I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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