I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my phone needs a breathalizer
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
