I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
