Cold hands, warm shart.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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