what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
