a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
