Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
