Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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