the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
