I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
