Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
