I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
