i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
