She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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