I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
